It was a warm, but quiet Sunday morning in Bismarck, North Dakota. It was pretty sunny when I awoke sometime before 7am. Honestly, time is blurry and I'm not quite sure when I got up. However, of utmost importance, was getting to the Caribou Coffee that was 1.1 miles away. I did not have nearly enough Caribou Coffee on this trip, since I can't get it back home. Jeremy was all in for the walk, which we both needed after the multiple back-to-back centuries. Holy heck, my quads were sore and screaming at me! My face was also the most puffy it's been all week. I think it was mostly a build-up of cortisol that occurs with high amounts of exercise back-to-back with little time for muscle repair. With exercise, your muscles are literally tearing, which causes a stress response, hence, the release of cortisol. On top of that, I had been eating gluten and dairy, both of which cause me to retain water and I'm certain I wasn't balancing my electrolytes as perfectly as I could have been throughout the rides. Needless to say, it was a bit scary to be so puffy. While I didn't want to go home, my body probably needed the break. I am very curious, though, if my body could have eventually leveled out to the chronic exercise stress. I'd love to try again and see!
After a brisk walk to and from Caribou Coffee for mochas, we returned to the team chowing on a fabulous assortment of breakfast foods back at Nettie's and Jack's, to which we, gleefully, joined in. I still needed to pack up a few things before we headed out for the morning's service project nearby, which I did begrudgingly. I really wanted to be able to participate in the service project prior to my 1:30pm flight from Bismarck through Denver to BWI. As the team gathered to take a group photo of our crazy bike short tan lines and one with Nettie and Jack, I told Route Leader Emma that I wanted to "speechify." She started and I was so choked up that it's all fuzzy as to what was actually said, but I know it was meaningful. They also gave me a super sweet card that they all wrote personal notes on, which I saved to read at the airport. (The card was awesome and made me super happy.) I felt like I was almost mentally blacked out with all of the emotions of having to say goodbye. Before I was even able to get a word out, I started to cry and thanked everyone for welcoming me in to the group, especially after the relationships had already been established, and for all the support throughout the week. I probably wouldn't have done with the trip had I not had the extra nudge from Jeremy to sign up, after I had visited the Atlantic Coast group when they came through Alexandria back in May. Every year, I always want to do a segment, but it's hard to find a week that works logistically. I had already been pondering the trip and I'm so glad I did it.
Around 9:30am, everyone loaded up into the vans and we headed to the lovely home of Susan, who has MS. She needed exterior work done, such as weeding and mulching, power-washing the house, tree-trimming, and other general landscaping. She was really sweet and welcoming, providing us with water and bathroom, if needed. It was a really hot day, so the cold water was very much appreciated! She used to do the gardening herself and I could tell she was really sad to not be able to do it anymore, as her MS symptoms have made her a little unsteady. She was quite thankful we were there to help. She has a beautiful property, but it was nice to be able to get it looking the way she really wanted it to look.
When my "airport alarm" went off at 11:30am, I procrastinated on starting my farewells, but I knew I had to face the music and go give my hugs. I was a blubbering mess, sobbing bittersweet farewell tears with each person I hugged. I was truly shocked and touched when a few shed tears along with me. I'm not sure this group of cyclists really understands how much they made me feel welcomed and loved. I have so much awe, respect, adoration, and love for my fellow teammates. Perhaps it was because the team was smaller and it was slightly easier to connect with more of them, but I truly believe it had to do with who they each are as a person. Each person on this team would look at me and talk to me like they were really listening and interested in getting to know me. They are genuine souls and I'm so thankful to have met each and every one of them. My only regret is not staying longer to be able to build those relationships even more so. I feel like I broke my own heart by leaving the team. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but even as 9 full days have passed since I left the team, I still feel like I was meant to stay. Don't get me wrong, I missed my animals, family, and friends, but there is a part of me that honestly feels like I am meant for living on the road somewhat. I've not really done it long enough to know what my breaking point is, but I never seem to tire of that lifestyle. Perhaps, someday, I can give it a go until I tire of it.
Jeremy dropped me at the airport, but his unrelenting generosity didn't stop at a curb drop-off. Knowing how ungodly heavy my bike box and duffel were, he helped me lug them into the airport for check-in. I had forgotten to put zip ties on the bike case, so he, quite smartly, zipped 4 into a bundle on one of the hinges, figuring TSA would know they were there to re-zip tie all of the latches on the bike box. On my way out to Minnesota at the start of the trip, I had left a note that explained there were extra zip ties, but I had forgotten such a note for the return trip. TSA read the tea leaves from Jeremy and used that bundle of zip ties to secure the bike box latches. Smart thinking, Jer! We took a moment to explore the dinosaur displays at the airport and I bought him a slice of pizza for his troubles, then we said our goodbyes. It took every bone in my body to walk through Security and not turn back and say I was going to continue on the trip! I flew out over the Missouri River and Fort Lincoln State Park, where our century ride had taken us the day before. My travels home were smooth, but I really longed to be with the team.
The post-trip depression the next few days were tough, but I was thankful for seeing Facebook posts from my new friends and for the ability to keep in touch via text. It took all week to unpack, but once I did laundry, I discovered one of my trusty PayDay candy bars had survived the washer AND the dryer, ha! I also discovered that dried road mud (from riding 60 miles in the rain without fenders) in your chamois doesn't wash out! My bee sting was itchy all week, but now it just looks like a burn mark. I'll spare you the photos of my chamois and bee sting!
In all seriousness, I've taken a bit of time to write this last blog about the trip because 1) I wanted to avoid wrapping it all up and having to face the end, but 2) I wanted to give myself time to process the emotions. I was riding so high on the trip and the relationships when I left that I knew I wasn't totally thinking clearly. As the last 9 days have passed, however, I'm seeing everyone's posts on Facebook from the trip and it's both giving me terrible FOMO (fear of missing out), but I also am able to still feel connected to what they are all experiencing. As much as the purpose of this trip is to raise funds and awareness for MS, it certainly has many side benefits, as well. You realize you can overcome pain and discomfort, and you do so knowing those living with MS have to deal with discomfort and uncertainty daily. You forge deep friendships. I know this team will come away with truly lifelong friendships, as they can only know and describe the things they experienced together - wind storms, torrential rains, scary highway riding, so much laughter, inside jokes, camping, miles upon miles in the saddle, and so much more.
About myself, I've come to realize how much I really throw all of my attention and emotional energy into these experiences. We all talked/joked on the trip about having ADHD because of the never-ending energy of the group (some even go for runs before/after putting in 7 hours on the bike!), but I think it also speaks to the ability of everyone to very intensely be engaged with each other. My family and a few close friends seem to understand how I get hyper-focused when I'm on these trips and lose touch a bit, but I also very much want to savor the limited time I have on such a trip. I'm fairly touchy-feely in that I like to come away with having had deep and meaningful conversations with each person at some point, as that is what forges a true bond for me. I couldn't be sharing bathrooms and seeing everyone in their true lights with only having surface-level conversations. This means that I come home feeling very attached to all of my new friends. I know it dies down some over time, but my memories of these people will be of the laughter we shared and their support for me when I really wasn't feeling so great on the bike. I just wish I'd had more time with them, as we'll never all be together again in quite the same way. I suppose one can equate it to a summer camp experience and the friendships and memories that get forged in that environment, but my therapist actually also equated it to war because it's not necessarily all fun and it's an intense, encapsulated environment. There are some days that are hard, but you lean on each other to pull through. This group had an amazing upbeat attitude and spirit, finding joy in every day; it was truly one of the most positive experiences I've ever had. I'm so thankful for it.
To all the donors, I'm ever-thankful for your contributions to this organization. I have so much respect for the work they do through service projects and financial contributions to MS research, as well as to MS centers where patients are treated. The founder's mother had MS and he desperately wanted to find a way to help. Hundreds or maybe thousands, by now, of Bike the US for MS cyclists have been pedaling all over the US and the UK for this cause and I'm so grateful when I get to be a part of a ride. Hopefully, one day, a cure can be found, but, in the meantime, I will keep on pedaling and spreading the word about how awesome Bike the US for MS is and what they are doing. Hopefully sooner than later, I will be able to do a coast-to-coast trip or at least something longer than just 1 week. It's never enough for my hungry soul-searching self! Emma told me if I keep my bike packed, then the universe will present me with another bike trip. :)
Thank you so much for following the journey!
If you would like to give to this organization, please do so here:
https://ride.biketheusforms.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=1436&_gl=1*1ksezxz*_ga*NjAzMjAzNTQ0LjE2ODk3MjA3OTU.*_ga_CFGFP5CY1Z*MTY4OTcyMDc5NC4xLjEuMTY4OTcyMDgxMS4wLjAuMA..
You can also sign up to join a future ride, if you feel called to the road, like I did!
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